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Finding gifts that symbolize mutuality
"Gift-giving varies among families. We never made much of it in a material way in our family. We embodied the philosophy that “the thought is what counts." At Christmas, my wife taught our three young daughters the joy of giving. A couple of weeks before the magic moments of Christmas Eve, many small packages, showing the signs of a child’s care in wrapping, appeared under the Christmas tree. At about the same time, I could not locate certain ballpoint pens, pads of paper or other such articles. I learned not to ask if anyone knew where they had gone, because they were under the tree as gifts for Daddy! I cherish the memory that our daughters always wanted to give the gifts they had wrapped before they had interest in unwrapping the gifts we had given them. They were gifts that symbolized relationship, not material wants or needs. Recently, I was part of a 13-member delegation from Mennonite Church USA to Mennonite churches in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Sharing gifts in the 20th century meant sharing the gospel and starting institutions of healing and hope, like hospitals and schools. Is the agenda the same today in early 21st-century relationships? Of course, there was the symbolic exchange of gifts with our delegation — small mementos to remind us of brief, but common, experiences. But the issues are profound surrounding gift-sharing between churches and cultures that embody vast differences, particularly in economic development capacity. I returned with the nagging realization that we face two issues: On one hand, we can share from our material abundance with churches that are materially impoverished. But is sharing of this kind the same as gift-giving? I suspect not. Gifts symbolize a mutuality of relationship — a shared regard for one another that respects the motives and capacity of all parties in the exchange of gifts. So this begs the other issue: What kind of gifts do we in Mennonite Church USA want or need from Congolese Mennonites? Until we get to "know ourselves" at a new and deeper level, no one, including the Congolese Mennonites, can succeed in offering us gifts. Gift-giving takes a willing giver and a grateful receiver. These days, my adult daughters tell me, "It’s really hard to give you gifts at Christmas, Dad." Probably that’s because I keep telling them, "I don’t need anything." That may be the problem we have to overcome in our aspirations of gift-giving and gift-receiving in our fledgling global church-to-church relationships. The ball is in our court, and it is not about what we think we have to give; it is about what we think we want to receive. In this issue: Features Highlights Viewpoints |
