When I came to America, I thought I knew the reason why I chose to volunteer. But that’s just partially true. The truth was that I was just raised up into it. I never really thought about what to do after high school. I just assumed I would do a year abroad. And because I have been raised as a Christian, I never thought about doing anything else but a year of voluntary service.
My motto of life has always been: live in love. Give what you have. Share the love of God. But not by demanding someone how to live, but by living a good example. I wanted to shine. Shine in the light of God.
At that time I was just like a dusty old mirror. I would get wiped clean by worship nights or good sermons in church. But I had some marks that never really went away. And they got bigger and bigger until I wasn´t actually capable of being a light of God anymore, because I had lost the capability of reflecting his love and light.
I still had the same intentions of living my life. I still had the same motto. But life just made me a normal man. Saying the same bad words as everyone else does. Doing the same things everyone else does. Not thinking about all that as bad. Thinking about the Bible as an old book that was written 2000 years and longer ago. And that most of the rules were just ancient and shouldn´t have power in the 20th century. My idea was that people who lived back then couldn’t offer any information to us, the people living now.
But now I am here in an alien country and stuck in a house with six strangers. Six awesome people. Six different people. Six people that can sometimes annoy me so much, I wish I could just escape, or punch them in the face.
But hey! Wait a minute, what was my motto again? Love everyone?
Strangely enough, if you want to accept that everyone is equal, you have to accept that you are equal, too. So you might be equally annoying to them …
So if you think this year of living with these strangers is just about learning about other people and serving others, then you are totally wrong.
The biggest adventure so far for me was learning about myself. I’ve learned about my habits and my faith. You might find that strange, but it actually isn’t too strange.
Let me give you an example: It is dinner time and we eat something that requires a spoon. Ninety-eight percent of the time, I get up and change my teaspoon to a tablespoon … a bigger spoon. Why? I don’t know. I just do it. And the first time I realized I did this was about the 10th time I changed my spoon.
So living with other people with different expectations of a daily life brings up your own habits. Some meaningless habits. Some good habits. But also some bad habits. And even some bad habits you never acknowledged. But once you acknowledge them, you can start to change them.
When I started my year of service, I also started to read the Bible every day. On my own. Not with a group that would be impressed by viewpoints or opinions. Just a book as a guide that told me what to read in three different chapters of the Bible: two in the Old Testament and one in the new.
I`ve read in the Bible before … many times. I know most of the stories and heard of the rest of them. But I never read the Bible every single day. So I started that. And I think I started the worst way to read the Bible (except by starting with the Revelation). I started with Ezekiel. A book full of God’s punishments, and I started to doubt the whole thing.
In my heart, I always wanted the best for everyone. It was just sometimes hard for my hands. But in this book, God is cursing so many people and he is even killing his own people. He killed men and women who were innocent in my eyes. So why did he curse them? This is the God of love. The God who sent us Jesus to die for our sins.
At the same time I started reading Ezekiel, I learned Bible verses at my service placement, New Day, an area nonprofit. These verses supported my point of view, that we all should love each other. That we should not discriminate against others. I started thinking about what it means to be Christian. It means following Jesus. It means living after his words, not of the words of any other person, which for me include the words of many other people in the Bible. The words of killing, hating, and excluding. The words of boundaries between people.
So is the God of War in the Old Testament the same God of Love that I’ve experienced and read about in the New Testament? I don’t know. Since I can’t prove it, I’ve started praying. I started talking with God. I started a relationship and I learned that I am still searching for an answer. But in the meantime, it’s important to listen and follow God. And how do I follow? I follow by serving!
